I'm a perfectionist, I've discovered. I used to think there was no way I could be a perfectionist, as I am SUCH a mess - how absurd! What I've learned though, is that often it's my perfectionism that feeds into my lackadaisical-ness. I get discouraged by the fact that I can't *possibly* do it as perfectly as I think I ought, so I don't try at all. I get overwhelmed by the sheer thought of the task, knowing I won't be able to live up to my own standards, so I find it nearly impossible to even begin.
Now, isn't that just silly? I know, really I do. I fully understand how ridiculous this way of living is, but I can't seem to figure out just HOW to overcome. I have this cycle - go for a few days like a rabbit on Jolt cola, and I complete my to-do list like a champ, my kids are schooled, I'm a patient, consistent, creative parent.
Until.......I mess up. Or something happens to upset the equilibrium even the slightest bit. Or the kids don't cooperate, despite my calm and creative consistency (nice alliteration, eh?). And I get SO frustrated with my failure that I just throw my hands up and quit.
Until.....I get disgusted enough with my own slothful ways that I become willing to try again. And the cycle continues.
I thought for a long time that this whole roller coaster was a result of depression, but darn it, it's just a character flaw and my medication doesn't cure those!!!!! :-)
I think I need a 12-step group...Or maybe a stiff drink...wait, those don't go together! Ahhh, I'm delirious - time to go to bed!
posted by Amanda in NC @ 9:06 PM
1 Comments:
HI Amanda
I read your post and I could of written it myself!
I suffer exactly the same feelings you are are talking about.
I have only just realised that my issues are based around perfection.
Have you learned to come to terms with it in the 4 years since this post?
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